2012 Personal Targets

2012 is tomorrow!! Dah kena mula set personal targets ni. Kena buat KPI setting sebab hidup mesti ada matlamat kan.

So, in 2011, dah berjaya beli rumah sendiri. Payment akan start dalam 2013 lepas rumah dah siap. In the mean time, kena lah top up balik duit ASB yang keluar untuk bayar downpayment 10% itu. Itu pun tak bayar lagi baki beberapa puluh ribu to developer. *Sigh* Tak apa la. Demi nak memiliki rumah sendiri, kena berkorban sikit. Asyik menabung, kalau tak guna duit tu untuk benda berfaedah tak ada maknanya juga kan. At least kalau dah own sebuah rumah, dah tercapai 1 matlamat hidup.

My target:
1) Top up savings as much as I can. i.e. Try my best to save at least 25% from gaji monthly and most of my bonus.
2) Tambah savings for Hana juga. Setakat ni dah going well. Hopefully will manage to save more for her future.
3) Work wise – nak maintain momentum kerajinan and get a good appraisal, tapi nak balik ke rumah lebih awal. Nak cuba la untuk optimize lagi working time and kalau boleh, tak nak dah keluar office pukul 8, 9, or 10 etc.

Other than that..
* My Mama and Papa nak pergi haji this year, so maybe nak hire a househelp/maid. Dah jumpa, so must do budgeting if pay RM600/month, cukup tak gaji mek nak menampungnya.
* Nak mula survey deco and mengumpulkan idea2 untuk rumah baru nanti . Start scouting for an affordable and reliable interior designer maybe?
* Nak jadi isteri yang lebih baik. Asyik concentrate jadi mak and pekerja yang baik je, kesian asyik terabai suami sendiri T_T

Lepas dah tercapai semua matlamat di atas, and lepas dah masuk rumah baru, hopefully my life will be well sorted. Lepas tu, baru boleh try to conceive “kawan” untuk Hana pulak hehehe.

P/S: target duniawi boleh tulis, target akhirat simpan diam-diam saja la..

Azam 2011

One of my target for this year is to buy (a) property. Most part of this year, I have been studying the property market, be it a sub-sale, or a new development.

To me, the most challenging point to consider is the part where I need my husband’s consent as I want to buy a property using a joint-loan between us. We’d like to find something that both of us like and ideal for us. Turns out it is very very difficult. He has a lot of arguments about all the properties that I like, especially on the price and location. Both of us have an opposite opinion on price and location.

However, my *light at the end of the tunnel* finally showed around two months ago. Found an advertisement on a new development near my parents place, nice design of course, freehold 2st, and a reliable developer. The price though, was over my budget. I was salivating when looking at the advertisement, but the price really turns me off. Takut nak try kalau mahal macam tu.

But thanks to my persuasive parents and coincidentally my uncle works with the developer, so I tried anyway. Turns out I could get a loan using only my name to buy the property. Lucky me! Although at the beginning of loan repayment later, I’d be very very broke, but I think I’d be happily broke with a house to call my own.

I’d still really want to buy a property together with my husband, or at least have him buy another one that he likes later on . I’m just very thankful that this target of mine is almost granted. I’m still in the midst of finalising the documentation and hopefully it will settle before year end.

God-willing, the house will be ready in 2013 and we’ll be moving into our home sweet home by end of the year, insyaAllah.

As for now, I’ve already begin to draft my 2012 resolutions .

1) To ganti puasa as much as I can, hopefully finish off all my hutang puasa sebab beranak.
2) To find a maid and glue my family back together again.
3) To have a more stable workload.

That would be all for now. Will think of more targets later as the new year progress.

P/S: Lepas dah masuk rumah baru, target nak tambah anak sorang lagi, eh?

Nervous breakdown

For the first time in my life, I felt so overwhelmed with responsibility.

I have cried due to job-related stress before. But nothing as bad, and never in the office or in front of other people. This time, I really feel overwhelmed.

I went for a week of business trip last week. When I got back, I found out my colleague was down with appendix. All his responsibilities came in a very huge bulk on my shoulders. All; including being the focal person of the upcoming visit this week. Me; being tired from the business trip, came into the office, and suddenly was already flooded with questions from all around asking about the visit that I don’t know much about.

Maybe I was ignorant, but I was focusing on my other tasks (which is a lot to bear), so I choose to not meddle too much with his tasks. And when I have to shoulder this responsibility with the visit coming up in 4 days, I just fall apart.

I have no idea where to start. I know there’s still a lot to be done. And I know that I already have a lot on my plate as it is.

I can’t avoid my tears from falling. I was sobbing out of control in my cubicle until people around me notices this and try to do something about it.

I know that I should not fall apart, but as they said, they realize that I have a lot, if not too much on my plate, and that when they re-think about it, it is better to let me stay and finish whatever I can from here.

With that, I’ll do my best to do whatever I can to cover you my buddy, and also do my own tasks.

I am still in shock when I think about what happened on Friday. Hubby said, I can always quit my job if I can’t stand it. But..I think it’s a love-hate relationship still. So, I’ll just bear with it for now.

Itu la dia moment Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah. Pecah rekod nervous breakdown buat kali pertama seumur hidup. Semoga itu sekali sahaja kejadian ini berlaku sebab agak ngeri dan memalukan.

1

This date last year, was definitely the happiest day of my life.

Khamis 5/8/10 9pm, admit diri sendiri ke maternity ward to be induced (2 days past EDD). 11pm, nurse insert tablet into my vjj. 12am, the pain started.

Jumaat 6/8/10. From 12am until 7am, nurse strapped me to ctg to check contraction and baby’s heartbeat. Couldn’t move much, so contraction + backpain, mmg super irritating. Tambah irritating bila ChentaHati berdengkur kat kerusi sebelah huahua. Nurse datang cek opening a few times (sakit x bole blah!, lg sakit dr contraction haha)

7am nurse datang lagi, cek opening lg and I asked, when can I get my epidural? Haha. My threshold of pain? Zero. Sementara tunggu epidural, nurse wheeled me to labour room, then gave me the happy gas, which only makes me high, with the pain still strong.

8am I finally got my epidural. Up till now, I’m still not sure whether the doctor is soo good, or my contraction is soo intense, tapi masa masukkan jarum etc untuk epidural tu I felt 0 pain. Padahal ada orang kata sakit gile. Thank God mine was not painful. The most important part, half an hour later, dah tak rasa contraction. Baru la boleh bertenang. I read few newspapers and finished 1.5 books while waiting to push.

That day, I was the first to enter labout room in the morning. Sempat mendengar beberapa orang beranak. Semua freestyle. Super loud scream. Super silent pun ada. Everytime orang beranak, I’ll ask the nurse “kak, org tadi tu amik bius ke totally natural?”. Nervous kan. Everytime orang beranak, my blood pressure goes up. Obvious sgt kengeriannya. Ngeh.

Sampai ke petang, tinggal la sorang je kat labour room tu. Almost kena operate sbb lambat sgt progress. Tapi, miracle happened. Tiba2 cek, eh rupanya kepala dah nampak. OMG! Tu la pakai epidural kan. Mana rasa apa2 :p. ChentaHati said, aah..can see rambut n kepala anak dah kot celah kaki tu hihi. K agak TMI. Baby dah crowning!

Tiba2 doktor masuk, ok push sekarang. Haa? Push? How? Haih tapi dgn guidance, selamat jugak dalam 4 pushes. 1st 2 pushes was totally wrong method though. Haha. Walaupun tak sakit, tapi I did scream masa push. Just to boost energy. Gaya macam org jerit masa lontar lembing pun ada kot.

Selamat la baby princess lahir ke dunia. Happy mother’s day to me . And this year, genap setahun umur anak mama.

My dear, besar la jadi anak yang solehah, sihat, sempurna akhlak dan akal fikiran. Semoga berjaya dalam apa saja yang kamu nak buat. Mama and Ayah insyaAllah akan support dari semua sudut . We love you banyak!

Fate?

By fate, I mean our fate with property hunting.

I’ve found a good deal (the 390k end-lot) which I got from a nice Chinese agent. The downside is, we haven’t got the chance to see the actual property as the tenant keep rescheduling. Up till the point that I thought I might be duped by the agent. I almost lost hope on this good deal.

But suddenly..

I receive an sms and a phone call from another agent (Malay), telling me he’s got viewing time from this tenant. Oh well, will just go and hope that the tenant doesn’t “chicken out” again.

Turns out both property is the same one.

Can sell through more than one agent ke? Baru la tahu..

Hmm..actually I’d prefer to cut the deal with the Chinese agent as their workmanship is much more trustworthy (in my personal opinion, no offence to anyone). But if fate is going to let me help my own race, then that will be it.

Lagipun…this dude offered me the house at 380k, cheaper by 10k :p.

Since I’ve already checked with the bank about loan. RM1500/month instalment if 90% of 390k (forgot how many years). So if 380k it will be less commitment lah. Which is definitely better.

Is this it?

It is a big purchase. Not like buying a handphone. Nak beli Blackberry pun took me a long time, inikan pulak rumah. So many uncertainties in my head. Thinking of how far would my husband travel everyday to work. Far = more money spent on the road. Should we buy here, or there? Maybe he should get another job? Maybe we should wait longer?

I think I need to consult my parents on this. It’s just a matter of initiating the discussion. I’m afraid to even think of the possibility that they don’t think it is a good idea. They did mentioned a good place for us to buy. Yeah, I like that place too. Only that it is way beyond our budget.

I can dream. Of course to dream is free. But to make it a reality will definitely cost a bomb. Can’t afford = impossible.

Shoulda thought about this seriously waaayyy before now. (-_-)

Rejuvenated

Rejuvenated.

Is how I feel right now

Took leave from work today just to “berdua-duaan” dengan ChentaHati. When you don’t live together for almost a year, the feeling of belonging somehow fades. You just don’t need each other anymore. So, feeling a bit “yabai”, I decided to take this move.

Which was very very nice.

All my plans worked out well.

In the end of the day, rasa hati berbunga riang.

I am reminded on why I love this guy I call a husband so much. Why I needed him, why I married him in the first place.

He is mine. I am his. We are together, for ever and for always. If our plan to get a house does not go well, then this will have to be done again. I guess there’s just no harm in going out for a date with my ChentaHati once in a while without our baby princess.

After all, he is mine, and mine only. Not yours.

I love you banyak!

Kaki kembang ke kasut kecut?

Tadi pergi wedding kawan. Pakai kasut cantik yang dah lama tak pakai (since before pregnant). Tiba-tiba, ketat. Erk.

Soalan.
Masa pregnant kaki kembang.
Lepas beranak bukan kecut balik ke?
Ke kasut tu yang mengecut?

Ish. Kasut tak murah pulak tu.

Sakit kaki

Terlajak

Eh rasanya I’m way ahead of myself dah.

Rumah tak confirm lagi. Perbincangan dengan ChentaHati belum menemui kata putus. Tapi dengan suka hatinya dah siap calculate loan, monthly installment. Yang paling penting, dah pergi bank ambil loan application form.

Tak ke “ahead of myself” namanya tu?

Tapi…
Tak salah berangan kot kan? Lagi pun berangan tu free je. Tak perlu bayar apa-apa kan?

Harap-harap ini la penyelesaian masalah yang dah lama ditunggu-tunggu selama ni

Ada lagi satu. House deco and furniture pun dah gatal-gatal survey jugak sebenarnya wakaka.

Thankful

Saya content dengan hidup saya sekarang.
Saya okay dengan pentadbiran negara sekarang. Saya dapat pergi sekolah, dapat biasiswa, dapat kerja yang elok. Saya dapat hidup dengan aman bersama keluarga dan kenalan saya di dalam negara yang harmoni dan tiada peperangan.

Saya sangat tak faham kenapa orang tak mahu (refuse!) untuk bersyukur. Maybe kalau rasa pentadbiran sekarang tak bagus, cuba awak jadi pentadbiran sehari. Sehari cukup la. Kita tengok awak boleh tak mentadbir negara.

Saya rasa awal cetek akal. Pada zaman sekarang ni, apa yang awak perjuangkan tu memang la cause yang baik, tapi apa matlamat awak sebenarnya? Apa kata awak pindah ke negara yang perfect menurut fikiran awak. Sebab saya rasa negara saya dah perfect untuk saya. Jadi, biarlah orang yang content macam kami saja yang tinggal. Awak yang lain tu sila kemas barang and pergi la negara yang perfect tu. Kan senang.

Bosan sangat baca cerita politik orang2 yang emo ni. Boleh tak kalau for once just bersyukur. As if you yourself can do better. Cakap je besar CEH!

Warmth

One of the nicest thing of having a baby: having a warm “teddy bear” to hug every night.

P/S: Planning to take a day off soon to de-stress. The plan is to go out as if I’m going to the office. Then will meet up with ChentaHati and go out on a date. Perfect to revamp our currently-un-romantic-relationship. Wah can’t wait to walk hand in hand together like lovebirds!

I have a long to-do-list for the date. Hope Allah swt will grant it. We really need this get-together to rekindle our relationship. Excited!!